Script of The Adventures of Baron Muchausen

Long Quote : King of the Moon, King of Everything

Played by Robin Williams

 

The Return of The Floating Head

So what happens when you separate the mind from the body?

You get The King Of Everything, a floating disembodied head with delusions of grandeur! (See Baron Munchausen – King of everything on Youtube). I’ve typed up the script for this part of “The adventures of Baron Munchausen” to illustrate the point.

It may not be immensely enlightening… but it’s amusing! And sometimes, a story makes the point better than an explanation.

Baron: “What a great pleasure to see you again! May I introduce my friend Sally; Sally, King of the Moon. Well… head, anyway. Head: “I’m sorry. You must refer to me by my complete title: King of Everything. Rei di Tutto. But you may call me Ray. You know, the moon is a very insignificant part of my domain now. There’s so much much much much more. miiiiennnuhhhh…” *scrunches his itchy nose* Baron: “My old friend, you seem to be in some discomfort, what ails you?” Head: “Nothing ails me! Can you not see I am at one with the cosmos?!“ Baron: “Aaahh!”

Head: “Ah? I tell you that and all you can say is ‘ah’ ? What, are you blind? Baron, let me explain it to you. Since you were last here, I, that is my head, that which is left of me, where the brilliant and important parts are located, is now ruling and governing the known universe. And that which I don’t know, I create” *makes bird noises and then laughs* “I just created Spring. Seriously, without me, there would be nothing, not even you. Cogito ergo es. I think, therefore you is.” *makes uncomfortable noises, preventing a sneeze*

Sally: “Your old friend’s a lunatic.”

Baron: “So it would seem. Certainly’s fallen prey to delusions of grandeur.”

Head: “Being in tune with every molecule in the universe requires a great deal of concentration. That is why having you on the loose, it does not help. You see, your little stoodis (?) is somewhat of a distraction to me. You are like a mosquito in the Taj Mahal.”

Baron: “I must inform you, my liege, without my adventures you wouldn’t be here.”

Head: “Weeeell… so I am now part of your adventures, heh heh heh. Well we shall see about that! Hmm?” *flies around, laughing maniacally* The baron and Sally suddenly find themselves in a dining room, atop a gigantic pedestal. “Now Baron, who created who? I hope you’ll be very comfortable, ciao! Oh. There goes my revolting body with the Queen!” The King’s headless body is pawing at the Queen, who is trying to slap it away.

Queen: “Stop it, I’m tired! Please. What a horrible man…”

King’s Head: “Oh, go away! Dammit he can hear me. This is so embarassing. Please, don’t look, maybe he’ll go away. It’s hard to believe my body and me were ever attached. We are so totally incompatible. I mean, he is dependant on the food chain, and I am in the stars. Oh that is so un-metaphysical… NO!!!” *King’s body grabs hold of the head* “No, go away! I despise you!” *bites the fingers* “No, no NO noooooo!!!” *body attaches the head to itself, grunts. The greyish skin of the head is now flushed pink.

Whole King: “I’m baaaack! I have lips again, and I’m gonna use them!” Runs up to the Queen. “It’s me, I’m your elephant of joy! Gimme batcho baby.” She stuffs food in his mouth. “That’s right, you gotta mange before benche. Hah hah ha, I’m back in business. You ! Don’t go nowhere ” (to the head).

Queen sighs in rapture at the sight of the Baron: “Oh… Baron….” *swoons*

King: “Hey, I know you. You’re the little guy who tried to make out with my Queen last time. We’ll have no more of that. What are you looking at?? Baron and Sally are suddenly in a birdcage surrounded by darkness. “There you go, love birds, I’m sure you’ll be very uncomfortable.” Head manages to spin off the body.

King’s Head: “I am free again, free to concentrate on higher things! Why don’t you go and amuse yourself in the slime, en?” Body throws a tomatoe at the king’s head, misses, “Oh, you miss me,” then hits the eyes. “Oh! I’m blind! My kingdom for a hankerchief. Oh, let me go! I’ve got tides to regulate, comets to direct.” The head is caught in a butterfly net. “I don’t have time for flatulence and orgasm. I hate that face you make me make, ohhh… please, please no… I don’t want anymore bodily functions. Oh nooooo! Please let me go, I don’t have time for this. ” Body drags the head away.