Fjolvar’s Online Shrine,
Greatest Brothel Keeper of the 9 Worlds
HARBARTHSLJOTH, Norse Mythology of Gods and Goddesses
Click here for UPG notes on Fjolvar
Art by K@t
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Greetings human lords and ladies of Midgard, future honored guests of my island and patrons of my fine establishment! I am Fjolvar, Lord of the All-Green Isle of Algrön, and I welcome you all, generous arm-ring givers, tossers of coins both gold and silver, and bringers of ale, mead and wine for my humble table. When you tire of making war, of tilling the fields, of hunting the wild beasts, perhaps you will desire a night of pleasure with one of my seven daughters. They are all lovely, and eager to please you, weary traveler. Simply aim your staff or pointing weapon upon their image, and squeeze to learn more about each of them. Each is Mistress of a specific craft. |
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Lady Earth Comfort Mistress |
Games Mistress |
Entertainment Mistress |
Sex Mistress |
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Ghost Mistress |
Beauty Mistress |
Shapeshifting Mistress |
Provider |
Art by K@t
Why, Odin himself, King of the Aesir Gods and Goddesses, came to enjoy the charms of my daughters. If it’s good enough for the Allfather of the gods of Asgard, and kept him interested a full five winters, surely you too will find one to please you.
Should they be too… expensive for your purse, or should you desire more… variety, we have many hostesses to choose from.
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Our Duergar women are hearty, strong and resilient. Their desire to please is as great as their braided dwarven beards are strong, and they have the endurance to last, and last and last…(visual rendition of a dwarven hostess, curtesy of Midgard artist Marc Langlois)
None can match the sheer vitality and vibrant lifeforce of our Vanir ladies, and it is said that a single night with them will restore a man’s fertility and fervor for months to come, should age have insolently reduced his innate prowess. If you were sent here with a rune-staff voucher purchased by your wife, know they are good only for one night, and only with a Vanir. If you are a wife looking for such a gift voucher, you can find them for sale with any trader associated with the Merchant Lord Billing, a man of great integrity who is grandfather to the Aesir god Vali,. Should you wish to consult his lineage, I have provided a family tree of the Norse Gods’s genealogy for your peace of mind.
We advise a gentle handling to any who choose human women of Midgard. The poor things, they are a bit fragile, but that very fragilty and vulnerability is part of their great charm. Though their lives are short, they live each moment that much more intensely. There’s nothing quite like the thrill of caressing one whose mortality is so evident, to make you appreciate the maturity that comes with the passage of centuries. Again, I ask that you kindly handle them with care. If you break it, you buy it.
I am also very pleased to remind you all that we do indeed have Alfar women, a rare and treasured prize! We currently have two Light Elves and three Dark Elves in our stables. Yes, in the stables. They are very good at taking care of our horses. It makes them a bit smelly, but they clean up very well, for the distinguished traveler who can make suitable offering to the House. I assure you these Ljósálfar and Dökkálfar ladies have been cured of their delusions of superiority over all the other races, and will be well behaved… unless of course you want them to act as they once did, before being banished from their homeland, so you can have the joy of educating them personally. Do not break them. They are not easily replaceable, and doing so would incur my considerable displeasure. (1)
Regrettably, we do not yet have any Aesir ladies to offer you, the Asynjur all still declining my employment offers, but we are, as ever, always looking for new talent!
What about Men ?
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Menfolk are are indeed available on the other side of the island, and be you woman, ergi, warrior, wolf, snake or other in form and gender, you will find your satisfaction among them. We support all shapes and elements of beings as guests, provided they cause no damage to our employees or facilities.
You can find these men sweaty and ready, upon the Field of Sport to wage a friendly war, at the beach for a swim, or in their huts for a more intimate testing of manhood. Rest assured that the many races of our Nine Worlds are well represented among them as well.
(visual rendition of a… well, we’re not quite sure WHAT he is! Curtesy of Midgard artist Marc Langlois)
Note: Please refrain from freezing the beach or burning the huts. Any damage done will be put on your bill, and those who abuse our hospitality will be banished. All enchantments must be ended upon your departure from the island. Otherwise, enjoy your stay and our endless hospitality. As our dearly beloved Sea God Aegir likes to say, “Endless blessings flow over me. There will always be enough.”
Honestly, if you do not find your satisfaction among our entire selection of artists, then you will find none elsewhere!
Odin himself, one of our best customers, had this to say about his visit to our island (ah, the fun we had… ).
From The Poem of Harbarth
Harbarth spake: (Odin in disguise as a ferryman, to taunt Thor)
16. “Five full winters | with Fjolvar was I,
And dwelt in the isle | that is Algrön called;
There could we fight, | and fell the slain,
Much could we seek, | and maids could master.”
Thor spake:
17. “How won ye success with your women?”
Harbarth spake:
18. “Lively women we had, | if they wise for us were;
Wise were the women we had, | if they kind for us were;
For ropes of sand | they would seek to wind,
And the bottom to dig | from the deepest dale.
Wiser than all | in counsel I was,
And there I slept | by the sisters seven,
And joy full great | did I get from each.
What, Thor, didst thou the while?”
(1) Note: The Alfar, in general, think themselves refined, subtle, and superior to other races, which makes them come off as snobbish. They respect the Aesir and Vanir, and Frey is their high Lord by Odin’s decree. Humans who don’t know their customs can easily offend them, but Jotuns (giants) are especially considered barbarians, which the Jotuns resent. There are few places where a banished Ljoss-alfar can be welcomed besides Svartalfheim (home to the dwarves and dark elves). They might find a place there with the Duergar (Dwarves), or with the Dokk-alfar, whom they consider tainted. But if you’re a dark elf and you get banished, you’re kind of screwed. You can read some offsite quotes about Alfar culture from various people who’ve encountered them.
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